"She Had To Go Visit Her Boyfriend in Prison"

Jennifer and Dana wrap up "L.A. Connections" with the culmination of the fourth book, "Revenge." The girls hear from fan favorite vagrant, Knox Jernigan, and are approached to invest in an elderly boudoir photography studio. The podcast officially congratulate the CVS Pharmacy near Dana's house for carrying vibrators on their shelves. Stay tuned through the summer for updates from Jen and Dana and we'll see you when we return for Season 5!

This episode is dedicated to the best girl, Alabama "Bama" Marie Compton (2006-2022). We love you and hope you are up there having fun with Cat Stevens and Peanut.

"Wrestling Leotards"

Jennifer and Dana cover Chapters 13-18 of the L.A. Connections book "Revenge." Dana has analysis paralysis when she has too many nail polish choices, Jen discusses her dreams and needs a dream interpreter STAT, and the girls decide that it isn't a Jackie Collins book without a dinner party and a car accident.

"Bajillion-Dollar Rolex"

Jennifer and Dana cover Chapters 6-12 of the final book in L.A. Connections, "Revenge," and discover the unbelievable phenomenon of Pseudocyesis, where a woman tricks her body into believing that it is pregnant. The girls decide that the best place to get picked up by a potential lover is at the farmer's market, and marvel at the stripper names "Gospel" and "Tuscany."

"He's a Sexual Box Office Hit"

Jennifer and Dana kick off book four in L.A. Connections, "Revenge." Jen goes clubbing and Dana goes to Hot Springs where America's Husband gets a massage surprise he won't soon forget. The girls wonder how a person snuggles someone out of juvenile detention, and Jen declares that she doesn't drip sweat - she drips jewelry.

"Stop Being a Hysterical Woman in Hysterics"

Jennifer and Dana cover the end of Book 3 of L.A. Connections, "Murder," and decide that nobody wants a fast-talking, slick veterinarian. The girls ponder how to bail yourself out of jail and determine that Hollywood madams must have a real H.R. nightmare on their hands with all that turnover.

"Swift Kick in the Junk"

Jennifer and Dana welcome guest star, Rebecca, and laugh their butts off! The girls plan an epic day together where they will be eating at a Vegan restaurant, doing a Feng Shui consultation, shooting and grappling with guns, kayaking, and watching the Pam and Tommy Lee sex tape.

"And Then The Bitch Hung Up"

Jennifer and Dana cover Chapters 1-6 of the L.A. Connections book, "Murder" and create a drinking game centered around "vagina fake news." The girls survive a clandestine parking lot meeting and bash 1970's crime scene investigation techniques.

"French Braids in the Back, Useless in the Sack"

Jennifer and Dana kick off Book 3 of L.A. Connections, "Murder," and discuss the would-be difficulties of trying to sell their boring prescriptions that no one would want. Jen wages war on bamboo stalks on her property and Dana sucks at self-tanning her hands and feet.

"The Little Tails on His Tux Were Just Flying"

Jennifer and Dana cover Chapters 17-23, the end of the L.A. Connections book, "Obsession," while also learning about each others' shared dislike of The Beatles. The girls go to the symphony (where the audience was louder than the music), Jen gets flustered by a full-frontal google image search and Dana gives a "less than zero stars" review to a painfully terrible book.

"Here's 50 Bucks... Look Away"

Jennifer and Dana cover Chapters 11-16 of the L.A. Connections book, "Obsession," and recap the 1940's-style Big Band Dance and Casino Night that they attended (spoiler alert: Jen is now seeking help for her craps addiction). Dana has tense relationship drama between two ducks in her pool and Jen accidentally reads a book that is extremely outside of her preferred genres.

"We Are Not Murdered, So We're Gonna Eat!"

Jennifer and Dana cover Chapters 1-10 of the L.A. Connections book, "Obsession," and it is decided that no Jackie Collins book would be complete without an under-the-table hand job at a dinner party. Jen exhibits stunning mathletic skills (but not so great directional skills) and Dana has a run in with a dog bakery.

"She Must Have a Giant Urethra"

Jennifer and Dana kick off Book 2 of L.A. Connections, "Obsession," with lots of stage whispering. A listener suggests the female equivalent word for "cocksman," and the girls learn about the phenomenon called "Urethral Sounding."

"Muff & Snuff"

Jennifer and Dana are back in Nipple Land with the culmination of "Power," the first book in L.A. Connections. The girls debunk the "permanent record" scare tactic from when they were kids, and reminisce about old-school fax machines. Jen is bringing back cocktail rings that double as watches, and Dana recounts the time she viewed a collection of paintings of her client and his wife having sex.

"Me and My Parrot Do Not Like You"

Jennifer and Dana cover Chapters 7-11 of the L.A. Connections book, "Power." Jen decides that Jared Leto is an amazing shapeshifter in the movie House of Gucci and Dana declares that the Prohibition really just amounted to a lot of miserable, sweaty people. The duo admires Mistress Sofia, a Dominatrix in the U.K. who has the best business plan in the world.

"You Need to Go to the Light"

Jennifer and Dana cover the beginning of Book One, "Power," while dissecting the ins and outs of joining the Mile High Club and attempting to figure out the difference between an Agent and a Manager in Hollywood. Both agree that parking garages are confusing yet dangerous, and that if you are going to put a ring on it, then you shouldn't be an ass-hat.

"Super Choke-y"

Jennifer and Dana kick off Season 4 with a plea to Antarctica to start listening so the podcast can brag about being on every continent. Jen takes us back to 1997 with this season's Jackie Collins novel, L.A. Connections and Dana regales us with her own version of "I Survived," in which she and America's Husband barely survive a trip to Tampa, Florida.

"Will Cunningham - Jackie Collins Superfan Interview"

Jennifer and Dana interview the delightful Will Cunningham (@theoneritz) who is a Jackie Collins Superfan. They dissect Hollywood Wives, gossip about the stars, share a love for soap operas and marvel at Will's amazing Instagram portraits.

"G-Rated Amish Romance"

Jennifer expertly wraps up her re-telling of Hollywood Wives, and the suspense is so great that Dana's voice reaches new octaves while she tries to climb her whole body into her sweatshirt. Jen refuses to declare vegetarianism on her voter registration card, Dana raves about laundry and zits on Tik Tok, and the girls read storylines they have created for a G-Rated Amish Romance genre.

"Little S. Schortz Contracts an STD"

Jennifer and Dana kick off Book 2 (Chapters 71-75) of Hollywood Wives. Jen visits a gemologist and Dana reveals that she has a secret, back-alley source for good yarn. After getting their colors done, the girls discover that Jen is a "Wednesday Addams" and Dana is a "Barbie."

"This is a Stabby Situation”

Jennifer and Dana cover Chapters 65-70 of Hollywood Wives in a breathtaking conclusion to Book One. It is decided that Greeks are the coolest and Michiganders are experts in rain boot fashion. Dana announces her retirement plan of being an armchair detective and Jen announces that the 90's are back, baby!

"Wedgie City”

Jennifer and Dana cover Chapters 61-64 of Hollywood Wives while Dana finds joy through vegetable organization, Jen recaps a grown-up conversation through the eyes of a 16-year-old valley girl, and both heavily discuss the logistics of jumping out of a cake.

"Twats That”

Jennifer and Dana cover Chapters 55-60 of Hollywood Wives and give a shout-out to any scandalous nuns who are listening, agree to disagree about wearing mismatched earrings and reminisce about the ability to slam the phone down on someone.

"Pusskins Malone”

Jen and Dana ring in the New Year with Chapters 49-54 of Hollywood Wives and regale listeners with tales of the Laura Elizabeth Jewelry Trunk Party and Jen's amazing girls' trip to St. Thomas. The ladies declare that their podcast mission includes objectifying men and have some choice words for men who blame women when they can't get it up.

"Lashing of Diamonds”

Jennifer and Dana cover Chapters 44-48 of Hollywood Wives and continue the conversation about sexy taxidermy and agree that no one should tattoo a foreign language on their body without knowing for sure what it means. Dana is getting ready to start a new diet that will either make her feel amazing or insanely hangry and the girls laugh about a doctor trying to navigate telling a woman that her husband's penis is stuck inside another woman's vagina.

"Penisgate 1983”

Jennifer and Dana cover Chapters 39-43 of Hollywood Wives and ask everyone to let them know what Jackie Collins book they should cover in the next season. The gals are in awe of an amazing vintage gift sent by a fabulous friend in Omaha and decide that business negotiations and genitals typically don't mix.

"We Return to Our Regularly-Scheduled Threesome”

Jennifer and Dana cover Chapters 33-38 of Hollywood Wives (the big party episode!), where they marvel at the longest threesome ever, laugh at Bachelorette parties where they have penis-themed everything and wonder what rich people do with a winter study in their mansion.

"The End of the Thruple”

Jennifer and Dana welcome special guest Allison Baker, who regales listeners with tales of taxidermied pole-dancing animals, driving in Europe in a huge vehicle and tiger parenting. The girls laugh about airport jail, try to sell Allison on their latest MLM scheme, and return to their respective homes to cook naked and clean like the Canadians.

"Dick to Dick”

Jennifer and Dana cover Chapters 25-28 of Hollywood Wives, reflect on their time living together for the past few months and determine that going No. 2 in front of anyone should be completely off-limits. The girls marvel at the phenomenon of "Competitive Endurance Tickling." They get their colors done and Dana laments that she has been wearing the wrong colors for 39 years while Jen is spot on with her all-black wardrobe.

"Vaginas in the Hallway”

Jennifer and Dana cover Chapters 21-24, while Dana schools everyone on how to use a quartz stone to balance your whole life, Jennifer recalls a wacky day at a gynecologist's office in Tokyo and they marvel at one of the book character's plastic surgery history, including a "Tit Renovation" and "Snatch Tightening."

"Waterbed!"

Jennifer and Dana cover Chapters 17-20 and Dana recounts a recent trip to Santa Fe, NM with her mom and none other than Knox Jernigan. Jen wants Dana to go to a scary heavy metal concert where they set things on fire, Dana sets some boundaries around said concert, and they both agree that interpretive dance is bullshit. Listeners will hear about the first threesome of the Hollywood Wives journey, and a waterbed makes a surprise appearance.

"A Whorish Tongue Twister"

Jennifer and Dana cover Chapters 13-16 and Dana recounts her Las Vegas Shit Show. The girls go to a Sebastian Bach and a Willie Nelson concert in the same weekend, proving that they are the "Middle-Aged Gone Wild." They laugh about funny room service stories and Dana wearing white after Labor Day.

"Back Alley Butt Lift"

Jennifer and Dana discuss their insane trip to Austin together and the weird things about Texas, including the incredibly unflattering Rockies Jeans. Topics also include playing dress up, butt lift surgeries using Fix-a-Flat, and the consensus that that white tights look awful... on everyone... always.

"Karen With the Nipples"

Jennifer and Dana cover Chapters 5-8 and and reminisce about Gilligan's Island, decide that Nude is Rude, play Scandalous Trivia: Hollywood Edition and plan a bra shopping trip that ends with eating chocolate cake.

"Season Threesome"

Jennifer and Dana experience a wild and crazy start to Jackie Collins' acclaimed novel, Hollywood Wives. Helen Ellis, author and friend of the Podcast, reads the prologue that she wrote for this incredible book. Jennifer and Dana get excited that it's now spooky season where layering is necessary and witchcraft is acceptable, lament the difficulty of finding a good pair of jeans, and marvel at the mathletic and amazing Grace Hopper.

"Helen Ellis Author Interview"

Jennifer and Dana interview best-selling author Helen Ellis and discuss moving from small town Deep South to NYC, "The Land of Rye." Helen talks about overcoming self-perceived writing failure and getting back in the game. The moral of the story is that it is extremely fun to do the unexpected and just be a grown-ass lady in your "F***-It 50's!"

"Real Georgia Pussy"

Jennifer and Dana wrap up The World is Full of Married Men with the Season 2 Finale! They discuss their current living situation as roommates, being too tired to attend virtual lip psychic events, not getting their vibrators mixed up, mirrors above beds, and their shared love of Elvis's Jungle Room.

"There Was... a Water Hose Involved"

Jennifer and Dana cover chapters 13-14 and part of 15 while remembering cassette tapes, express their passion for ROYGBIV, decide their favorite geometry shapes and retell a listener bad date story that involves butt cheeks frozen to a bumper.

"Eyes Down Here, Ladies!"

Jennifer and Dana cover Chapters 11-12 with special guest Knox Jernigan, the bachelor heir to a margarine fortune. Listen for a special British accent competition, a trombone impersonation, a waterless cookware experience and lots of judging each other's life decisions.

"Who's Resigned NOW Bitch?!"

Jennifer and Dana, known as the "Social Workers of Romance Novels," cover Chapters 9-10 and discover that they are vintage-minded and sexually-accommodating, chat about guys wearing half shirts, give a lesson on staying professional when you shit your pants, and try to understand the trend of high-priced couture dicky shirt inserts.

"Dick in Danger"

Jennifer and Dana cover Chapters 7-8 and discuss which sex positions get you into the biggest predicaments as well as reveal the Feng Shui secret for bringing the perfect mate in you life. The girls are astonished at the revelation that they both sleep walk, and that Jen once had a haunted painting in her bedroom.

"If You Don't Like it, Don't Look"

Jennifer and Dana cover Chapters 5-6 while on vacation together where they take their friendship to the next level and welcome Scandalous Mom, Tina, to the pod to show off some of her gorgeous jewelry. The girls give out several PSAs, including how to drive in a parking lot and when to leave (spoiler alert: when he calls you a bitch). Also discussed is a stategy to peruse the pantry in search of a carb, and how to not let your ovaries get in the way of the beakers if you are a "lady scientist."

"Classy as Shit"

Jennifer and Dana cover Chapters 3-4 and marvel at the concept of 1968 dishwashers, wonder where in the world is Knightsbridge (Spoiler Alert - litterally right next to Hyde Park), tell their favorite "walk of shame" stories, dissect a beatnik sex scene and introduce the fun new game "Get the F*** Out NOW!"

"You Are My #3 Mistress"

Jennifer and Dana dig into Jackie's debut novel, The World is Full of Married Men, and cover chapters 1-2. The girls are back from vacation and talk about fabulous fan gifts they received, UFOs (but more specifically, alien probes), their own personal protest stories, and the sensuous, savage, shocking world of show business.

"Jamie Brenner - 'Blush' Author Interview"

Jennifer and Dana interview best-selling author Jamie Brenner and discuss her amazing new novel, Blush! Girl talk includes sneaking Jackie Collins books into the house in 8th grade, the comparison of wine to women (spoileralert: the older vines produce less grapes, but the grapes are FABULOUS), living in 1990's New York City, and renegotiating your life in your 50's (spoiler alert #2: the second act can be even better than the first act when it comes to life).

"Scandalous Diamonds Stops for No Man"

In the Season One Finale, Jennifer and Dana record from the road while on vacation together. The gals cover Book Four (Chapters 81-86), ending the journey of American Star: A Love Story and determine once and for all that this isn't the Codcast, the Funeral Podcast or a True Crime Podcast. They recount their recent shared ER experience, the insect that tried to assassinate Jen, underwater sex, imagine what Frannie and DW would be like as godparents, and wrap up with the announcement of the Jackie Collins book that will be covered in the upcoming Season Two of Scandalous Diamonds.

"Fine... I'll Just Masturbate Again"

Jennifer and Dana cover all of Book Three (Chapters 74-80) and announce the Scandalous Chakras, bond over making fun of people who talk on speaker phone in public places, their love of Dudley Moore and discover that they each have very different vacation styles while on cruises and are both really mediocre at dirty talk.

"I'm Sorry I Glossed Over the Threesome"

Jennifer and Dana cover Chapters 69-73, concluding Book Two. This epic episode brings back the bend and snap dance move while the girls extensively discuss body piercings, a funny fetus story, ladies who baby shower, and what you do when literally in Rome (spoiler alert: have sex).

"Random Acts of Sexness"

Jennifer and Dana cover Chapters 63-68 and express their dismay over being terrible at spray tans, recount the amazingly fun Scandalous Diamonds launch party, wonder whether Queen Elizabeth reads Jackie Collins and deliver a PSA about not dating married peaople.

"Addicted to Dicks"

Jennifer and Dana cover Chapters 58-62 and gush over Sebastian Bach's scandalous shout-out while discussing the infamous Cocaine Bear, saggy old guy butts, the inspiration for "Where's Waldo," and Ham and Leg breakfast buffests at the strip club.

"Loose Lips Sink Ships"

Jennifer and Dana cover Chapters 49-57 and laugh about bizarre wedding photos, profuse sweating through Hawaiian shirts, being fancy with your periods and burying bodies in Nevada.

"Leave Your Boundaries at the Door"

Jennifer and Dana cover Chapters 44 to the middle of Chapter 49 and chat about a whole town that doesn't understand consent, why the decent guys are either married or hiding, the power of ponchos, what's really inside those unmarked moving trucks and the incomparable hotness of Atticus Finch in To Kill a Mockingbird. The girls also offer their party attendance services as long as you pay all of their expenses.

“Bitch, I'm a Dermatologist!”

Jennifer and Dana cover Chapters 41-43 and discuss stalking a socialite in order to get her plastic surgeon's name, whether they would survive or thrive in prison, paranormal experiences while on vacation, preach about the beauty of chubby thighs, and agree that the best space movie ever made is Spaceballs.

“They Aren't Stripin' at That Gas Station”

Jennifer and Dana cover Chapters 37-40 and stay on brand by discussing hormonal mood swings, mathematics, murdering cockroaches, keeping your expectations low, prison pen pals, and their great new idea for a truch stop/strip club.

“Narcotics and Baby Canals”

Jennifer and Dana cover Chapters 33-36, record from bed after Dana's hysterectomy (where she advises listeners that a catheter is not an adventure), recount their first listener bad date story, and imagine the dysfunction of electrolysis in 1875.

“I’m Not One to Kink-Shame, But That's a Weird Kink”

Jennifer and Dana cover Chapters 28-32, concluding Book One. They single-handedly keep Glen Campbell's memory alive, discuss tired strippers, supernatural love triangles, bedazzled vaginas, and deliver several PSA's.

“I’m Just Here to Get My Paycheck”

Jennifer and Dana cover Chapters 22-27, debrief on the Crazy Love documentary, ponder compound cock words, cold places to have hurried sex and one-night stands on cruises.

“The Hounds of Pussywillow”

Jennifer and Dana cover Chapters 18-21 and discuss 1980’s Sherlock Holmes, swingin’ titties, and an auction for individual AA batteries and Saran-wrapped bananas.

“A Funny Feeling Where Her Bathing Suit Touches”

Jennifer and Dana cover Chapters 11 -17 and wonder if anything is legal in ‘Nam anymore. They discuss Paul Newman’s sexy looks and sexier salad dressings, pop-up Merle Haggard concerts, biker gangs and warn listeners to not throw their backs out booty groovin’ to the Scandalous Diamonds theme song.

"This is Some Backwards Shit"

Jennifer and Dana cover Chapters 5-11, the wonders of 70's vans, tater tots vs. cornflakes in the hot dish battles of the Midwest, and the combo handgun/dildo prototype.

"Whore for Dior"

Jennifer and Dana cover Chapters 3 & 4 while providing little tidbits of knowledge and discussing overdosing on gummy vitamins and how Aunt Franny got her groove back.

"Irregular Chicken"

Jennifer and Dana cover Chapters 1 & 2 of Jackie Collins' hit book American Star: A Love Story, where listeners will meet the two main characters. They put the "fun" in funerals, relive Jennifer's trauma of touching her dead grandmother who was embalmed to look like Lady Bird Johnson, and ponder the existence of Kentucky Fried Chicken outlets.

"The Blazergan"

Jennifer and Dana discuss Jennifer's discovery of Jackie Collins, life in the 80s and 90s and the magic of blazers, waterbeds and high-tech bathrooms.